Day 1: X-Men - Kitty - Leader
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adventdrabblesTitle: Leader
Fandom: X-Men
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Shadowcat
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: Kitty longs for a slightly different life, but perhaps it simply was not meant to be hers.
Word Count: 961
Written For: Advent Drabbles Day 1: People Ice Skating
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She spun. She thought of her childhood, when her father had first led her onto the ice. He had held her hands and assured her he had her and would never let her fall. She had believed him, had believed that her parents would never harm, and yet it had been because of them, and their endless fights, that she had first began to have the migraines that had seemed to precede the development of her powers. Her father had seemed to betray her mother and herself, and Kitty had believed that for a long time -- right up until she had found herself, as a grown woman thinking she loved a man kissing another man. Her father had not meant to hurt her mother; he had certainly not meant to her. Her parents simply had not been meant to stay together.
People came, she thought, lifting into the air and pirouetting, into other people's lives sometimes for a short time, sometimes for a long time. She landed back onto the ice and struck out, taking long strides over the frozen lake. It seemed that, more often than not, the people, and even the animals, who came into her life came for a short time. She ached for somebody to stay, for a body to be solidly against hers every night for more than a year. She ached for that eternal connection, that fairy tale romance she'd once believed her parents had. She ached to be whole with another.
But maybe, she reflected sorrowfully, that wasn't meant to be. The Professor had spent most of his life alone other than his students, after all. He had loved Magneto, but he had to love the man from afar because they had never managed to agree for long. Kitty well remembered the time Erik had kept her from taking a human's life. She remembered very, very well that he was not the monster that so many believed him to be. But he also was not the savior Piotr had believed him to be, albeit for a short while.
Piotr was also not the man she'd once believed him to be, not for such a short time at all. She had believed, when she had been younger, a few years after coming into her powers, that he was her soul mate, but the truth was far from it. He was a dear, dear friend, but she would never be able to trust her heart to him completely again, not after all he had put her through, no more so than she would have been able to stay with Wisdom forever and be happy. She would have perhaps, she thought, pirouetting again, stood a better chance with Illyana or Rachel, but both had been taken from her.
She was alone, yet not alone. She could feel eyes on her even now. Kurt was not far, nor was Ororo. She was keeping this lake iced, it seemed, just for her, because she knew she needed this time every day, every morning in her breaks in classes. She was no longer a student but had become a teacher herself, and she had huge shoes to fill. Shoes she often felt she would never be able to fill.
She still yearned to find her forever love, but as the years stretched on, she had to wonder if perhaps she was not meant to have such a blessing. Perhaps she was meant to skate alone, but to have others around and beneath her, like the ice and water below her, the skates on her feet, the chill air caressing her face, and the warm sun beating down on her. Perhaps she was not meant to have just one person with whom to share her life, like the dear Professor had not been. Like Emma also had not been. Like even Scott had not been. Or Ororo.
It seemed, to Kitty, that all the best leaders were ultimately alone. They had no one to whom to turn nightly, no one to hold them as they cried, no one with whom to share all their little secrets. She longed for that, but perhaps it simply was not meant for her. She was, however, meant to help her people, and help them she would. She had been in a leader position off and on in her life since the tender age of fourteen, and in a way, she had felt, at times, like a leader to her parents. Her mother especially had often turned to her. She had always helped her -- she had always helped everyone -- as far as she could.
With her hands joined behind her back, Kitty skated across the hard, cold ice. She stopped just before the snowy bank and finally opened her eyes. Her friends were there, but not especially near. Bobby and Hank skated together down at one end of the frozen lake while Kurt was with a group of the students at the opposite end. Ororo stood closer, but still far enough to give her her space. The Windrider who she'd always held so much admiration for inclined her ivory head toward her, and Kitty nodded in return, a mutual sign of respect.
Ororo glided off into the Winter air, and Kitty walked alone back toward the school, back to the next chapter of her life, another day as a leader, another day serving others. That night, she knew, she would go to bed alone, but Xavier had retired almost every night alone. If it was what was meant to be, she decided, so be it. She would do what was best for her people; always, she would do what was best for her people, rather it was her parents, her family, or the entire mutant race.
The End
Fandom: X-Men
Author: Apache Firecat
Characters: Shadowcat
Rating: PG/K+
Summary: Kitty longs for a slightly different life, but perhaps it simply was not meant to be hers.
Word Count: 961
Written For: Advent Drabbles Day 1: People Ice Skating
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She spun. She thought of her childhood, when her father had first led her onto the ice. He had held her hands and assured her he had her and would never let her fall. She had believed him, had believed that her parents would never harm, and yet it had been because of them, and their endless fights, that she had first began to have the migraines that had seemed to precede the development of her powers. Her father had seemed to betray her mother and herself, and Kitty had believed that for a long time -- right up until she had found herself, as a grown woman thinking she loved a man kissing another man. Her father had not meant to hurt her mother; he had certainly not meant to her. Her parents simply had not been meant to stay together.
People came, she thought, lifting into the air and pirouetting, into other people's lives sometimes for a short time, sometimes for a long time. She landed back onto the ice and struck out, taking long strides over the frozen lake. It seemed that, more often than not, the people, and even the animals, who came into her life came for a short time. She ached for somebody to stay, for a body to be solidly against hers every night for more than a year. She ached for that eternal connection, that fairy tale romance she'd once believed her parents had. She ached to be whole with another.
But maybe, she reflected sorrowfully, that wasn't meant to be. The Professor had spent most of his life alone other than his students, after all. He had loved Magneto, but he had to love the man from afar because they had never managed to agree for long. Kitty well remembered the time Erik had kept her from taking a human's life. She remembered very, very well that he was not the monster that so many believed him to be. But he also was not the savior Piotr had believed him to be, albeit for a short while.
Piotr was also not the man she'd once believed him to be, not for such a short time at all. She had believed, when she had been younger, a few years after coming into her powers, that he was her soul mate, but the truth was far from it. He was a dear, dear friend, but she would never be able to trust her heart to him completely again, not after all he had put her through, no more so than she would have been able to stay with Wisdom forever and be happy. She would have perhaps, she thought, pirouetting again, stood a better chance with Illyana or Rachel, but both had been taken from her.
She was alone, yet not alone. She could feel eyes on her even now. Kurt was not far, nor was Ororo. She was keeping this lake iced, it seemed, just for her, because she knew she needed this time every day, every morning in her breaks in classes. She was no longer a student but had become a teacher herself, and she had huge shoes to fill. Shoes she often felt she would never be able to fill.
She still yearned to find her forever love, but as the years stretched on, she had to wonder if perhaps she was not meant to have such a blessing. Perhaps she was meant to skate alone, but to have others around and beneath her, like the ice and water below her, the skates on her feet, the chill air caressing her face, and the warm sun beating down on her. Perhaps she was not meant to have just one person with whom to share her life, like the dear Professor had not been. Like Emma also had not been. Like even Scott had not been. Or Ororo.
It seemed, to Kitty, that all the best leaders were ultimately alone. They had no one to whom to turn nightly, no one to hold them as they cried, no one with whom to share all their little secrets. She longed for that, but perhaps it simply was not meant for her. She was, however, meant to help her people, and help them she would. She had been in a leader position off and on in her life since the tender age of fourteen, and in a way, she had felt, at times, like a leader to her parents. Her mother especially had often turned to her. She had always helped her -- she had always helped everyone -- as far as she could.
With her hands joined behind her back, Kitty skated across the hard, cold ice. She stopped just before the snowy bank and finally opened her eyes. Her friends were there, but not especially near. Bobby and Hank skated together down at one end of the frozen lake while Kurt was with a group of the students at the opposite end. Ororo stood closer, but still far enough to give her her space. The Windrider who she'd always held so much admiration for inclined her ivory head toward her, and Kitty nodded in return, a mutual sign of respect.
Ororo glided off into the Winter air, and Kitty walked alone back toward the school, back to the next chapter of her life, another day as a leader, another day serving others. That night, she knew, she would go to bed alone, but Xavier had retired almost every night alone. If it was what was meant to be, she decided, so be it. She would do what was best for her people; always, she would do what was best for her people, rather it was her parents, her family, or the entire mutant race.
The End
